Long time no see, internet. A little update from me. I’ve been in a crazy bad mood for the past two months. Extremely busy, so exhausted, stressed out, things getting crazy and no one can help me. I lost my Sunday, it means I lost all my life. Yeah I’m not the owner of my life anymore. I need to go back on the right track.
May Sunday always be with me again.
Yeah, life knocks me down again recently. I don’t know where to start because I can’t even remember exactly when or why do I feel so dark this time. Every little thing seems try to upset me and make me sad. I be very sensitive.
My “dark love” playlist is the only my friend at the moment. What made me more upset, today I read on the news that 2ne1 is officially disbanded. I’m not a die hard fan of 2ne1 but I really like their music. I put some their dark songs like Ugly and Lonely on my “dark love” playlist. Now listening to those songs just added more pain.
Yeah, I’m that kind of person who will listen to sad songs when feel sad or depressed. Sometime putting a fake smile, posting some motivated quotes, writing happy list, or counting my blessings might work to make me feel better. The other times they’re useless, I was still crying inside. So when “fake it till you make it” doesn’t work (just like this time) I blended into the darkness.
I cannot deal with anxiety but I don’t want it to kill me. I just let this feeling to kiss every layer of my skin and I can feel the pain to every inch of my bones.
It’s been almost two weeks now. I used to think that I could live without you and I could find something better than you but I was wrong. Look at me now, I’m lifeless. Everything seems misplaced and blurred. I miss you. I need you. I’m incomplete without you. We still meet everyday, I can see you every time but it hurts and painful to see you, because I know you are not mine anymore.
I’m sorry that I want you back. I miss you terribly.
Ps: This post about my phone. I’m using my android tab now and this device is horrible. I want my phone back :(